Sex Do's & Dont's

You voted, and I kept my word – I promised you a how-to guide on sexual dos and don’ts.

I will start with a full disclaimer; I am terrible at writing sex how-to guides, previous experience has determined that they are as uncomfortable as my novella sex scenes – short and painful for all involved. Lucky for you my Lovers, my bedroom skills are better than my erotica writing.

These are my personal dos and don’ts, but I do speak on behalf of many women. So, do settle in for some education, but don’t take it too seriously.


Do be confident enough to initiate sexy time.

Don’t refer to it as sexy time.


Do call her baby, babe, baby-girl, kitty, honey or gorgeous.

Don’t call her your wife’s name by accident.


Do use your voice to talk dirty.

Don’t be mute; the only thing more awkward than bad dirty talk is an awkward silence. *Cue tumbleweed.


Do stretch out the foreplay as lonnnnnnnng as you can until she is saturated.

Don’t rush her and then wonder why she’s as wet as a dry piece of toast.


Do apply the same etiquette to nipple play, as you would like your balls to be treated, always ask first, “do you like your nipples played with and how?”

Don’t flick, smack, lick, suck, squeeze, pinch, twist, bite, pull, or attach clamps to her nipples without permission, unless you’d like your balls flicked, smacked, licked, sucked, squeezed, pinched, twisted, bitten and clamps attached with her complete disregard to your preferred pleasure.


Do use your right hand for the VGG and your left for the rear entry.

Don’t double dip and give your girl an infection.


Do get sloppy with cunnilingus.

Don’t get sloppy with her face.


Do ask if she’s open to anal play, a simple “do you like a finger in your ass baby?” will suffice.

Don’t slip any body parts, toys or fruit into her anus unsolicited by accident or otherwise.


Do eat her pussy with full tongue broad contact.

Don’t lap at it with your tongue like a pair of chopsticks trying to grasp a single grain of rice.


Do swap positions to share the workload.

Don’t bagsy starfish.


Do be patient with her climax; she’s like a fine wine…give her time.

Don’t repeatedly say “are you there yet?”


Do be yourself and let go.

Don’t be shy.





Harper Jones